Teddy Lupin is Getting Married
by sjohn2999
Summary: Teddy Lupin is finally getting hitched to Victoire Weasley, and everyone is overjoyed. But with Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy; rivals since the beginning of their acquaintance; as members of the wedding party, things are bound to get interesting. Add a dash of James Potter idiocy and it's a recipe for a good time.
1. Harry: The Damage is Done

**A/N: Harry Potter and its characters are not mine.**

Chapter 1: Harry: The Damage is Done

Teddy Lupin is getting married.

Finally.

I mean, it has seriously taken that boy _forever_ to get himself together. He's been dating Victoire for only, I dunno, the last TEN YEARS! He waited so long that all my kids have left school and started careers of their own.

Most of the family started teasing about wedding bells right after the three year mark. Truthfully, I'm surprised that they (Molly specifically) waited so long; Weasley family engagements tend to be on the fast track, and three years is not especially fast. The ribbing and awkward questions escalated in years four and five; led mainly by George, his son Fred, and James; but Teddy's relationship status never changed. By their sixth anniversary, the only one who ever mentioned marriage around Teddy or Victoire was James, and he would quickly be silenced by his mother or Aunt Hermione. I think my son is purposefully tactless. It really would not surprise me.

Once year nine rolled around it was clear that Victoire was getting impatient and was no longer buying his excuses. She had been patient when Teddy claimed he wanted to wait for her to graduate Hogwarts. She had understood when he wanted to put it off until he had finished his training at the _Prophet_ and got a promotion. She had agreed when Teddy said he wanted to get his Grandmother settled in her new house before they took the plunge. I would continue this long list, but I can't even remember half the reasons he used to put off getting engaged. Finally, Victoire just got fed up with waiting for him and proposed herself.

Teddy told me later that he had been carrying the ring around in his pocket for the last three years. Apparently, when Victoire discovered this, two things happened: 1) her exasperation was slightly alleviated because he had been planning to ask her after all, which showed her he is not a complete idiot; and 2) she got even angrier at him because he had planned to ask her, but had not worked up enough courage. Her exact words were, "What were you afraid of? That I would say no? If I didn't want to marry you after 10 years of dating, I wouldn't have stuck around!"

After accepting her proposal, he told her that he had just wanted to make sure he could provide for her sufficiently. He confided to me afterward that she thought it was sweet, but slapped him rather hard on the back of the head for being such an idiot and thinking that he would have to do it all himself. They were in this together after all. A team.

Everyone was thrilled when they told us the news, and the wedding plans started within the hour, punctuated occasionally by tearful exclamations from Molly: "Oh, this is so exciting! I told Arthur last night that I had given up hope that you two would ever get married, but then you decide to surprise us like this! You beautiful children!" or "It's been so long since we last had a family wedding! Such joyful times always bring people closer together!" or "Oh! There's so much to do! I'll have to get out all the fine china, iron the good table cloths, clean out the attic (you never know who's going to go snooping around during a wedding. Every part of the house needs to be spotless!), and bake a cake with _at least_ seven layers. Victoire, honey, what is your favorite flavor? Yes, Teddy dear, I know you like chocolate," or "James Potter! If you are going to be a groomsman at this wedding, there will be no pranks, no inappropriate jokes, no unauthorized fireworks, and _absolutely no songs you've made up!_ We don't need a repeat of that incident at your cousin Lucy's wedding, do we? Do you understand me, young man?!"

Yes, you heard correctly. James S. Potter is in the wedding party. It makes sense since he and Teddy are practically brothers, but it's creating a lot of tension. Half the family is worried he will pull some kind of idiotic prank and the other half is hoping to be a part of it. He, however, refuses to confirm or deny that he is even considering such a plan. The only people who would know are two of his fellow groomsmen, Albus Potter and Scorpius Malfoy.

Yes, I said Malfoy. Shocking, I know.

The story of how Scorpius Malfoy is on such excellent terms with Teddy Lupin is a long and painful story that starts several years before Scorpius' birth. Lots of fights, hexes, lawsuits, tears, and a very small amount of laughter are involved. The short version is that Narcissa Malfoy and Andromeda Tonks reconciled after the war. The sisters slowly redeveloped their relationship, and in time, Draco and little Scorpius grew quite fond of Aunty Andy. Weekends were spent in her company, and Teddy was always there as well. That kind of weekly exposure is hard to ignore, and Teddy and Scorpius eventually fell into a comfortable camaraderie; one they continue to develop working at the _Prophet_, where Teddy is Scorpius' boss and mentor.

The story of how Scorpius Malfoy became best friends with my sons is just as long, but, in my opinion, way weirder. James and Scorpius, predictably, clashed when they first met. Both were; and, admittedly, still are; strongly House spirited and cocky beyond reasonable…well, reason. There were duels in the hallways, brawls in the Great Hall, a few exploding potions, and one inexplicable "adventure" in the Forbidden Forest that neither of them will talk about. Ever.

Hogwarts, under the strict rule of Professor McGonagall, does not condone such behavior. Their actions landed them, and sometimes innocent bystanders, in multiple detentions. Per week. It got to the point that Draco Malfoy and I were required to meet with McGonagall almost every Saturday. Needless to say, it was not comfortable. For anyone.

The culmination of their rivalry took place in the Slytherin vs. Gryffindor match in Scorpius' second year and James' third. Fiercely competitive, and not always the most rational thinkers, the two boys were marking each other rather closely throughout the entire match. Elbows were thrown freely, along with curses (the verbal, not magical, kind), and both found themselves nearly thrown off their mounts on more than one occasion.

The match ended early, for them anyway, when James was in possession of the Quaffle and was speeding up the field. Scorpius, in an attempt to stop him, flew straight at him from the opposite direction. Neither being the type to back away from a challenge, no matter how ridiculous or potentially dangerous, it quickly became a high speed game of chicken.

The resulting collision did not have a winner.

As they lay recovering in the Hospital Wing, a grudging respect developed between the ex- adversaries. The boys wasted little time in establishing their new friendship and began working their schemes right there in their hospital beds. It seemed that playing up the other's injuries to attract the sympathy and attention of cute girls worked to their advantage and brought them together. Who would have thought your enemy would be your best wingman?

Fortunately for Professor McGonagall and the school's damages budget, the fights were over. They found "forgive and forget" much easier advice to follow than I had at their age.

Al, who was going through an unfortunate phase in which he hero-worshipped his elder brother (one that thankfully did not last too long), asked no questions about this new friendship, immediately accepting James' new friend as one of his own. James and Scorpius were lucky he did because Albus is clearly the most intelligent of the group. Sure, James and Scorpius are no lack-wits, but they needed Al to help make sure they came up with plans, schemes, and pranks that were feasible and less likely to get them detention. All in all, the teachers at Hogwarts had to put up with a lot.

I'm so proud.

Fast-forward nine years, and you'll find all three boys sitting at my kitchen table with my daughter, Lily, and me at 11:30 in the morning. All of us are clutching steaming mugs of tea, making small talk, and waiting patiently for everyone else to show up. It is five months until the wedding, so the wedding party, plus the Bride's grandmother and me, are getting together at noon to go over the plan for the next few months.

You're probably wondering why I'm here if I'm not part of the wedding party. Well, it's because godfather of the Groom is an important role.

And I'm paying for most of it.

And to keep an eye on my sons.

And this is my house.

And Molly is bringing over lunch for us, and I don't want to miss that. No one would.

We just began questioning Lily about her next match with the Harpies when we were interrupted by a thundering crash. We all looked up at the ceiling, waiting for some sign of where it came from. I've spent enough time sleeping in the same room as Ron to recognize the sounds of someone falling off a bed.

It's silent up there for a few moments, then what sounds like clomping, a pause, a door slamming, and loud footsteps coming closer. Then, we hear the unmistakable sound of someone coming down the stairs, slipping, and accidentally riding the last few steps down. Al and James snicker, Lily rolls her eyes, and I smile because we all (except for Scorpius) know that Rose has never been the most coordinated in the morning.

She comes into view a moment later, sliding on her socks in a surprisingly graceful manner, stops purposefully in front of the refrigerator (I don't care if there are magical means to keep food cold, I have a refrigerator because I think kitchens feel empty without them), and buries her hooded head deep inside without looking around to see if she's alone. She fumbles around, picks up the orange juice, opens it up, and takes a swig right from the carton.

At this blatant disregard for common courtesy, Lily decides to bring Rose's attention to the presence of other people in the room. Clearing her throat, she says loudly and pointedly, "Good morning, Rose."

Not bothering to turn around, Rose merely grunts, "Morning," and continues to rummage around for something to eat. Albus and James, who are used to their sister's habits recognize the look on her face and realize what is coming next. Being the awful cousins they are, they smirk at each other and choose to let their sister berate Rose for her rude behavior. I guess amusement means more to them than preventing morning spats. Scorpius, who has never seen Rose and Lily interact this early in the day, is regarding the scene with a mixture of interest and boredom.

It's a very contradictory look.

Trying not to lose her cool, Lily smiles tightly and addresses Rose again, "Rose, we have company."

Straightening up and briefly abandoning her search, Rose turns around, and we get our first good look at her. If I had not already known she just woke up, it would be obvious just looking at her. She's wearing comfortable looking athletic shorts and a wrinkled sleep tank with a zip-up hoodie thrown over it, and the hood is up. Her tangled red hair hangs messily about her face, and the sleep is still evident in the corners of her eyes. To top it all off, one sock is pulled up to mid-calf while the other has scrunched down around her ankle. In other words, she's looked better.

She takes in the five of us sitting at the table: James and I on either end; Al, on his brother's right with his back to her; Lily, sitting next to me and across from an empty chair; and Scorpius, who's leaning in his chair between James and Lily. She peers at us in silence for a few seconds, looks Scorpius in the eye, nods at him and says, "Hey," then turns around again and resumes digging through the refrigerator drawers.

Before I go any further, I think it's important to explain something about my daughter. She may be a professional Quidditch player, but she is _always_ put together and cannot tolerate when other people are not equally concerned with how they look. Especially when "company" is over. To her, it's one thing if you want to look bad when you're alone, but when people are around, at least some effort needs to be made. I don't know where this characteristic came from, but it most definitely was not me. I thought she would be used to Rose ignoring her by now, especially since she lived the first 17 years of her life with her brothers and me, but I think she's hoping she will have better luck with Rose. Between you and me, it's not likely.

Not quite ready to give Rose up as a lost hope, she tries again: "Don't you want to change?"

We see the back of her head tilt downward as she looks at herself and asks, "Why?"

Lily closes her eyes in exasperation and explains, "You're wearing your pajamas."

"So?"

"Aren't you embarrassed that so many people will see you in what you wore to sleep? Eight more people will be here any second, and you might want to look more presentable," she told Rose slowly. "Besides I'm sure you didn't want Scorpius to see you in such a state."

Grabbing an apple and closing the refrigerator, Rose walks toward the empty chair across from Lily and addresses her, "What do you want me to do, Lil? Squeal and run back up stairs to brush my teeth, put on make-up, and dab on a few gallons of perfume? What's the point? He's already seen me. The damage is done." She slouches down in the chair, pulls it closer to the table, and continues, "Besides, Malfoy hardly counts as 'company.' I see him every day at work, and on the days I don't work, he's constantly hanging around the Doofus Brothers here," she gestures at James and Al, "I find it hard to avoid my cousins. Especially since there are so many of them."

Before Lily can reply, Al looks over at Rose and says calmly, "I'm not a doofus."

She looks back at him, takes a bite of her apple, puts her free hand on his arm, and apologizes, "I'm sorry. You're right."

He nods and turns back to his tea. James exclaims indignantly, "I'm not a doofus either."

Rose merely looks at him, raises her eyebrows, and takes another bite of apple.

Scorpius and I make eye contact and try not to laugh.

Lily, irritated at being ignored, tries to steer conversation in her desired direction once again. "Victoire will be here any minute, Rose. Don't you think she'll feel more comfortable with you being her bridesmaid if you look the part?"

"Victoire chose me to be her bridesmaid because she loves me, not because I look like one. Look, if it will make you feel better, I'll take my hood off," and she sweeps it off her head. James, Al, and Scorpius burst out laughing, and Rose turns to look at her reflection in the window. Catching sight of the warzone that is her hair, she inspects it with a critical eye and says, "I may have looked less frightening with it on." She shrugs, not bothering to replace her hood, and takes another huge bite of her apple with a satisfyingly crunchy sound.

"You should do something about that before Gran gets here," Lily warns. "If you don't, she'll attack you with a comb." My sons, who had inherited my messy hair, cringe with me. It's not a pleasant experience.

Rose, however, looked unconcerned: "Good. Then I won't have to do it myself."

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but Rose cut her off before she could say anything, "Lily, just drop it. I can't bring myself to care this early in the morning" – she ignores Scorpius' snort and mumbled, "Noon is hardly morning" – "and it's not like I'm dressed indecently. Give it a rest."

Lily huffs, but lets it go. She may give Rose a hard time about her personal fashion and upkeep habits, but they really are quite good friends. We lapse into verbal silence. The only sounds are the occasional chomp of an apple and the incessant tapping of James's wand on the table.

Clearly bored with the proceedings he's looking at each of us in turn, waiting with increasing impatience for one of us to say something remotely interesting. Everyone here is used to this tactic, and the silence quickly turns into the Let's-Test-James'-Self-Control Game.

James is one of those people that gets antsy when things are too quiet. Being an Auror and accomplished Master of Mischief, he understands that silence is an important ingredient when conducting a raid on a criminal den or when sneaking into Professor Longbottom's quarters to retrieve a confiscated and magically altered/enhanced Extendable Ears, but he can't stand silence that seems to serve no purpose.

More logical people would simply take the initiative and start talking themselves; James, however, has never been one that puts much stock in logic. He prefers to wait until someone else does it.

Why? Who knows? Most would think he's afraid people will think he talks too much and get annoyed (Unlikely. I think he enjoys when people consider him an annoyance).

Maybe he is genuinely interested in what other people have to say (Probably not. If he cared, he would just ask directly).

Most likely, he trying to win some competition that he made up in his head and no one else knows they are a part of. It seems that there is only one rule: first one to speak loses.

The rest of us have caught on to his made up competition and gang up on him to make sure he can't win. It normally doesn't take long. James has about as much patience as Uncle Vernon waiting for his bacon.

Albus and Scorpius, who live with the idiot, are clearly experts at this game. They make discreet eye contact while James is busy staring at Lily and begin to establish their plan.

Scorpius starts the negotiation by leaning one elbow on the table and his head on his fist. He lets out a huge, and fake, yawn and rubs the corner of his eye with one finger. Glancing at James to make sure he's still staring at his sister, Al shakes his head and casually taps two fingers on the table, slowly points his thumb at himself, then taps one finger on the table. Scorpius look at Al with furrowed brows for a moment, gives a quick nod, then leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.

Roles have been established.

Al smirks and digs around in his pocket for his wand, preparing to commence Stage One: Distraction. Pointing the wand at his brother, Al sends a slow stream of bubbles toward James' face, where they burst with a light popping noise and what I'm sure is an irritating tickling sensation. Though this tactic does not cause James to speak, it successfully draws his attention away from his pathetic attempt to break me.

What a foolish boy. No one can break me.

While Albus distracts James, Rose flicks her apple stem at Scorpius to get his attention. It bounces off the side of his nose, and, for a second, I think Scorpius is going to be the one to break the silence. He controls himself, however, and looks at her with wide eyes that say, _What are you doing? I'm trying to think here! _

She rolls her eyes back at him in exasperation, then gets serious. Leaning one arm on the back of her chair, she taps it with her thumb and looks pointedly at James.

Following her gaze, Scorpius turns to look at James, then back at Rose in confusion.

Shaking her head at his dimness, she taps her chair again, nods her head at James, then points forcefully at the ground.

Scorpius looks at her like she's lost her mind, but turns back to James and looks at the ground like she suggested anyway. He stares at the legs of James' chair blankly for a few seconds before he realizes what it is he is supposed to be seeing: James has tilted his chair onto its back legs in a fruitless attempt to get out of bubble range.

He's in a prime position to enact Rose's plan. Nodding his understanding to her, he quickly hooks his foot around the nearest leg of James' already wobbly chair and gives a forceful upward thrust.

Perfect.

What little balance James had tumbles to the ground with his chair and lands in a loudly cursing heap on the floor. James lies sprawled on the floor as the rest of us laugh at the look on his face when he fell. Lily is laughing so hard that she's hiccupping. The laughter seems to make James realize that he's lost the Silent Game, and the realization makes him swear even louder. That boy is lucky his Grandmother is not here yet.

While my children watch their brother struggle to his feet and fall a few times in the process, I see Scorpius turn to Rose and wink at her.

To my surprise, she smiles back at him.

I have no time to ponder this strange behavior though because eight more people have just landed in my fireplace.

"Hello everyone! How are you this fine morning?" Teddy greeted cheerfully as he ducked out of the fireplace and dusted himself off. "Sorry we're a little late. Victoire here couldn't decide how to do her hair. JSP, why are you on the floor?"

The kitchen filled with noise as we all simultaneously returned his salutations and Scorpius got up to help Molly carry all the food she brought. Introductions were made as breakfast was distributed, Al hitting his brother in the face with a piece of toast.

"Family," Teddy addressed us, gesturing to the burly young man to his right, "This is my best mate and Best Man, Tony Matthews. Tony, these goofballs are my family: my godfather Harry; my "cousin" Rose; my fake sister Lily; the idiots Al and James; and their best friend, my cousin Scorpius." We each nodded as we were mentioned, James even going as far as bowing. Teddy and Tony took sat down in the chairs Rose conjured, and Victoire took over the introductions.

"I know we were a bit older than you, but you may recognize my best friends from Hogwarts: Katie Wilson," the small brunette waved shyly, "and Sadie Witherspoon," the leggy, blond looked less than thrilled to be here. "Of course, you already know my siblings," Victoire continued, lightly elbowing her ash covered brother, Louis, and sister, Dominque.

Once everyone had settled in their chairs, except for Molly who was busy making sure everyone was eating enough ("Louis, I made sure I brought extra potatoes because I know they're your favorite. Have some more, honey. Lily, darling, make sure you have one of the oranges. You need more fruit in your diet, young lady. Scorpius, dear, you've gotten much too thin. Has James been eating all the food at your place? Don't be shy, eat up!"), Victoire got down to business.

"Ok, everyone, I know there are still about 5 months until the wedding, but there is still so much to do! We're going to go over the schedule of events before the wedding in a minute, but Teddy and I would like to thank you for agreeing to be a part of this process," she smiled dazzlingly around the table. "I know the wedding party is on the larger side, but you're all so important to us, and we're hoping you can help us with the planning."

Taking a large bite from a sausage, Teddy whispered loudly to Scorpius, "The wedding party would have been smaller, but Victoire said it wasn't fair to make Al a groomsman without making James one too. The lady insisted. What could I do?"

James didn't verbally retaliate, but casually tipped Teddy's juice glass into his lap. Ignoring the swearing of her fiancé as his pants soaked up the liquid, Victoire raised her voice a little and began detailing the schedule for the next few months: engagement party, dress and robe shopping, dance lessons (I wasn't really looking forward to those), more shopping, fitting appoints, rehearsals, and those were only the ones I remembered. The list went on. I don't remember doing half this stuff for my own wedding!

As Victoire went over the notes her mother had made to share with the rest of them, my children and their friends started gradually losing interest. In fact, only Molly and Victoire's school friends seemed to be paying any attention to what was being said. James resumed stuffing his face with bacon and cinnamon rolls. Lily was examining her nails, looking for some flaw that wasn't there. Teddy was gazing at Victoire; she had his full attention, but he was obviously not listening to a word she spoke. Tony was leaning back in his seat, staring at the ceiling, and twirling his wand carelessly in his fingers. Rose put her arm on the table and rested her head in the crook of her elbow, hoping to catch a little bit more sleep. Taking advantage of her inattention, Scorpius was ripping off small pieces of his schedule, wadding them into little balls, and flicking them into Rose's hair. What is he, 5-years-old?

Al, who was watching his friend with an exasperated expression, noticed me watching. Smirking, he shook his head and rolled his eyes before fighting his brother for the last piece of bacon.

I continued to watch as it began to look like Rose had a horrible case of dandruff. One paper ball bounced off her cheek, but she didn't wake. Instead, she batted her hand in front of her face like she was trying to ward off the wrakspurts, then settled back into a comfortable position. I smiled at her fondly. It was cute.

It was then that I noticed the barrage of paper missiles had ceased. I looked to Scorpius in puzzlement. The look on his face was one I didn't recognize, but it kind of felt like I should. It's for this reason that I make a note to observe the two of them throughout the wedding process. It should be good practice. Work is a bit boring at the moment. It's rare that I get to put my Auror skills to such a fun and unproductive use.

They'll never see me coming.

Should be fun.

**A/N: Sorry the chapter was so long. I promise that most won't be quite as lengthy. There was just a lot of background information that I wanted to clear up. **

**Please let me know what you think.**


	2. Teddy: You Noticed All on Your Own

Chapter 2: Teddy: You Noticed All on Your Own

I'm getting married.

And I'm terrified.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited. After a lifetime of knowing and loving Victoire, we will finally be able to start our lives together for real. Once the vows are spoken, she's stuck with me. Ha. I'm definitely getting the better end of this deal.

So why am I terrified? Because there's so much to do, and the probability I will mess it up is high.

Weddings are a huge thing to the Weasleys. You'd think they wouldn't like them as much as they do since they have to have so many, but I guess no one ever really gets tired of unlimited booze and delicious cake. No, I'm not afraid of tying myself to Victoire for the rest of our lives, I'm afraid of picking up the wrong flowers from the florist, or not getting my robes fit in time, or accidentally having the hiccups during the ceremony, because Molly Weasley will kill me if not everything is perfect.

Luckily, there are so many people around to help that I probably won't have to worry about most things. Molly will probably send Lily and Rose to get the flowers (and not just because they would blend in with the rest of the flowers); Harry will probably have Hermione remind him to make sure I get my robes on time; so, I just have to make sure I don't get the hiccups. Maybe I'll ask James to follow me around the day of the ceremony and scare them out of me if any hiccups decide to rear their head. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. That's the good thing about having a large bridal party, there's always someone around to help.

Unfortunately, I thought as I opened the door to my office and found one of them waiting for me, there's almost always someone around, even when you desperately need to get work done.

"What is it, Scorpius?" I said to the young man sitting casually in the chair beside my desk, "You know I'm always up for a prank on Simmons, but you also know that I have to run through the layout one more time before I send it on to the Editor in Chief for final approval. It's due at three. I have less than three hours to complete this, and I'm already behind because some of my _journalists_ didn't make the deadline on time." I glared at Scorpius as though his colleague's failings were his fault, and he held his hands up in the universal 'Hey, don't look at me' gesture. "Anyway," I continued, "I hardly have the time to figure out how to charm Simmon's briefcase to eat his shoes off his feet."

Scorpius snorted a laugh and crossed legs so his right foot rested on his left knee with a kind of enviable arrogance, "No need. I already glued Simmons to his own chair with that new WWW glue. It's a classic. Simple, yet effective. I came to see if you wanted to go to dinner later. Potter, Potter, and I were going to visit the Leaky Cauldron. Alice tells us that Wednesdays are their fish and chips night."

Shrugging my robe onto the back of my chair, I sat down, ran my hand through my hair, and replied, "Thanks, I'd love to, but I promised Vicky I'd help her pick out napkins, or table cloths, or drapes, or whatever it was. I don't even remember."

"Sounds thrilling," Scorpius deadpanned. Then, he raised an eyebrow in a coaxing manner, "You sure you don't want to come? James might get drunk enough and work up the courage to hit on that bartender he's been mooning over for the last month. You know you don't want to miss that failure…"

It was true that James was likely to make a fool of himself. The last time he tried to pick up a girl at a bar he had been trying to conjure some flowers but had accidentally transfigured her jacket into a python. That didn't go down so well. To be fair, the incantations are unfortunately similar, but he should have known better than to perform magic while slightly intoxicated. It almost never ends the way you want it to. "As much as I would love to see James trip over himself and every barstool on his way to talk to the bartender, I really have to go help Victoire. If I don't give some sort of input soon, she's going to kill me."

"Alright, mate," Scorpius acquiesced, standing up and buttoning his robes in a professional gesture that hinted he was going to leave me to my work. "I'll let you off the hook this time, mainly because you're my favorite cousin."

"I'm your only cousin," I pointed out, looking up briefly from the papers spread on my desk.

He shrugged, "Technicalities. I'm just glad I'm not the only one that has to suffer through Mother's awkward, prodding questions, Grandfather's almost endless talk of politics, and the horrible cooking of Aunt Andy's new house elf." He shuddered. "I'd rather eat pickled frogs."

As I snorted in disbelief, Rose knocked on the door jam and walked into the room, "I hate to interrupt what I'm sure is a very important conversation about, what was it, the culinary merits of pickled frogs? But I just finished double checking next week's exposé on the Tornados. I thought you'd want to run through them before I send them on."

Suddenly, it seemed that Scorpius had lost all interest in leaving my office. Needlessly straightening an already perfectly placed tie, Scorpius slipped his hands casually into his pocket and opened his mouth to say something.

Damn it.

I'm not ready for this shit.

I groaned inwardly and resisted the urge to massage the headache that began to form when I saw the look in his eye. The look that clearly told me I needed to give this kid more work to occupy his time. Unfortunately, Scorpius is my best journalist. By far.

With a combination of natural talent, charm and wit, determination, and annoyingly clued-in personal connections, Scorpius gets all the secret stories before everyone else. Between the Malfoy and Greengrass families, the Potters and Weasleys, and the train of noisy ex-girlfriends willing to share every shred of gossip, Scorp knew everything about everyone in the sports world. Sometimes before that person even knew about it him/herself.

Besides having sources (respectable and otherwise) that no one else has, Scorpius Malfoy has the ability to write like no one I have ever encountered. He can even make the most appalling insults seem like poetically phrased greetings. He once called a Chaser for the Tornadoes a gutless sac of flobberworms who couldn't even throw the Quaffle if he had been possessed by the ghost of Ginny Potter, but more artfully of course. After the story ran, the guy actually stopped by to personally thank Scorpius for giving him press. I guess he just has a way with words.

But by the way his conversations with Rose usually go, he's only got a way with _written_ words.

So, even if I gave him more work, he's probably talented enough to finish it all (excellently, I might add) and still have time to play this weird game with Rose.

I did not want to have to deal with today's contest; however, now that it had started, my only choice was to ride it out and hope it ended soon. These interactions are always the same: Scorpius tries to elicit a reaction from Rose, Rose responds, Scorpius smirks and says something incredibly stupid, Rose leaves in a bit of a huff, and I am left with a massive headache and a young man on my hands who is overly pleased with himself. Only the subject matter changes. Round one: commence.

"You look nice today," Scorpius began. Ah. A new tactic. Being nice.

Rose knew right away that something was up. Narrowing her eyes and staring at him warily, she cautiously said, "Thank you?"

Smiling at her, which was weird in itself because his face is normally sporting a mischievous smirk or crazy grin, he said, "No need to thank me for telling the truth. Anyone would have told you the same thing. I really like the way you did your hair this morning. Did you get a few inches cut off recently?"

Rose looked slightly startled that he noticed, "Yeah… Yesterday."

Scorpius smiled again, I was getting seriously creeped out by all the smiling, brushed a curl off her shoulder and said the stupidest thing he could have said at that moment (which, honestly, could have been his plan all along. I really couldn't tell), "You know, I really appreciate the effort, but you didn't need to spend so much time getting pretty for me."

Rose nodded her head to herself in confirmation. She should not have even considered falling for that. She closed her eyes, and I could practically her appealing to Dumbledore for patience. "What?" she asked in a monotone.

Scorp crossed his arms and gave her a faked look of concern. "I'm just saying that you are a strong, smart, independent, young woman. You don't need to plaster yourself with female war paint and throw yourself at me to validate your worth."

She was not amused.

Sometimes I think both of them are idiots. Neither appears to have noticed that Scorpius has not only called Rose "pretty" but "strong" and "smart" as well. I can't be the only one catching the fact that he's actually complimenting her, can I? Rose could turn this conversation in her favor in about 3 seconds if she just pointed that out, but I think she's too busy being offended to realize he's kind of hitting on her. And he's too much of an imbecile to see that he's not actually making fun of her. Honestly, I can't be the only one seeing this, can I? They're going to be the death of me.

Crossing her arms in imitation, Rose shot back, "Apparently all my 'efforts' to make you notice me were unnecessary. You noticed all on your own."

Oooo. She got him there. I guess she's not as dumb as I thought a few seconds ago. I really should have learned by now to never underestimate Rose Weasley.

Undaunted, Scorpius put a comforting/mocking hand on her shoulder and said, "Everyone noticed, Rose, dear. It's kind of obvious that you love me."

What he said must have caused something in her to pop like the buttons on Hagrid's shirt after the Christmas feast. Normally, she would have rolled her eyes and said something scathing back, perhaps commenting on how he used too much hair gel (he doesn't, but he's really sensitive about it). Today, however, she gave up the fight about three rounds ahead of schedule.

"You know what, Malfoy, I don't have the time or inclination to stand here and listen to your nonsense! Go share your twisted perspective with someone who cares, or preferably, someone who isn't afraid to get fired for hexing you at work! That would save me the trouble of having to find a new job myself!" she snapped back at him, slapping the papers down on my desk with unnecessary viciousness, and storming off as well as she could without falling over in her heels.

Scorpius, being the charming idiot he is, was looking inordinately pleased with himself. In his demented point of view, he had just won a game that Rose didn't even know she was playing. As smooth as Scorp usually is with women, I felt like he needed a bit of advice on this one. I mean, it's the least I can do; he is my favorite cousin after all.

"Smooth," I said dryly. He continued to grin. Shaking my head in exasperation, I sighed, "You realize you didn't win, right?" He shrugged happily at me. This boy needs an education. I'm going to give it to him.

I leveled my version of the McGonagall Stare at him and used my best warning tone: "Before I kick you out of my office so I can get work done, I'm going to give you a piece of friendly advice. Lay off a little."

Scorpius looked puzzled, "Why? Rose is a smart girl. She knows I'm only joking."

I shrugged, "Maybe, but everyone has their limit. We don't want to lose her over something so trivial."

It took a second for my words to reach him, but then the smile slid completely off his face, and he drew his eyebrows together in concentration and confusion. "What do you mean 'lose her?'" he asked.

"She was offered a job with the Business Section," I told him absently, turning back to my work.

He blinked at me, "Why would she go over there?"

I shrugged again, marking a large red X over a section I would have to totally revamp. "Well…," I thought about it briefly, "probably a number of reasons. For example, she's our best copy editor, they would pay her more, their building is closer to her family and her apartment, oh and here's the big one: she wouldn't have a cocky, half rate reporter" –"Hey!" Scorpius protested-"constantly giving her a hard time. _I_ know you're just joking, but like I said, we don't want to lose her."

His face was blank, completely devoid of emotion, "But… that's Finnigan's department. Why would she want to be around him? He broke her heart back when we were in school."

I raised my eyebrows at him, wordlessly asking him how he knew about the state of Rose's heart back then. He waved his hand dismissively, "Al told me. What's her deal?"

Making a few more adjustment to the papers before me, I said, "I guess she decided to give him a second chance."

"Why?" Scorpius exclaimed incredulously. He was taking this waaay more seriously that I had expected. It was suddenly clear to me that Scorpius was starting to feel a little uncomfortable with the direction of our conversation. But why?

I gave him a searching look and replied slowly, "I don't know. Do you want me to list off possible reasons? He's a nice guy. She seems to have forgiven him. Whatever happened between them happened a while ago when they were both young and foolish. They've gone out a few times recently with what I assume were satisfactory results since there have been repeats. He has season tickets to the Arrows. Oh, and he's funny. He knows this great joke about goblins, hippogriffs, and Helga Hufflepuff."

"Sorry, what was that?" Scorpius demanded.

"So Helga Hufflepuff walks into a bar-"

He scoffed impatiently at me, a rather undignified noise for a Malfoy to make. "No," he said, "I meant what did you say? Before that."

"Season tickets?" I asked blankly.

Scorpius shook his head violently, "No. before that."

"They've gone out a few times?" I ventured.

"What?" a hand ran through his hair and left parts of it sticking up in the wrong directions.

"They've gone out a few times?" I said a little louder.

"I heard you the first time. Idiot. Are you sure?" he asked, staring into my eyes like he was trying to read my mind.

"No, I'm not sure you heard me the first time. You're acting crazy." He gave me a look that clearly told me he was not in the mood for games. It's his own fault. If he had just left me alone to do my work, I wouldn't be irritating him in revenge. I sighed, giving in, "Yeah. I'm sure. He's infatuated. Well, that's what Victoire tells me anyway. She's been trying to persuade Rose to give him a second chance for what seems like forever. Or, maybe it just seems like forever because she won't stop going on about it."

He blinked at me again. I hope this doesn't become a habit. It makes me feel like I'm speaking Mermish, and he has no idea what I'm saying. His voice came out slightly panicked and a little higher than usual, "Why would Vic do that? He's all wrong for her."

It was my turn to blink at him. My eyes widened at his strange reaction, and I attempted to calm him down: "Relax, mate. He seems fine to me. I think they went out for lunch earlier today."

Scorpius seemed to stop breathing. "What?!" he spit at me.

"Why else do you think she's so dressed up today? It's certainly not because it's Wednesday."

By the way Scorpius flopped limply in the chair he had vacated earlier, my news had sapped him of all his energy. Interesting. If I didn't know better, I'd say Little Scorpy has a bit of a crush on Rose-Darling and doesn't like the idea of her fraternizing with other gentlemen. But that's ridiculous…

Except it's totally not, and I can't believe I didn't see it coming.

Damn it. Now how am I supposed to concentrate on finishing the layout on time? I'd much rather spend my time thinking of ways to make fun of him. Gah! But I really have to get this done, or else I'll get fired! I'll have to take the mickey out of him later.

I tossed a balled up piece of parchment at him. It bounced off his ear, he caught it, and glared at me. I shrugged, "You can mope about the loss of your lady love somewhere else. I need to get this layout done before the Boss comes down here to see what's taking me so long."

"What?" he said, for what felt like the thousandth time today.

"If you don't like Rose dating Finnigan, ask her out yourself. Now get out," I exclaimed, pointing at the door.

He didn't respond to my taunt, but stood up and walked out the door slowly. He turned around right outside my office, eyebrows furrowed in pleading confusion. He looked so lost as he asked, "What?"

I waved my wand, shutting the door in his face. If he didn't understand the implications of my deliberately obvious comment, he'll have to figure it out on his own.

That should take forever.

I don't have that kind of time. I'm on a deadline.

**A/N: I hope you liked it. Can't wait to hear your thoughts.**


	3. James: He Has No Shame

Chapter 3: James: He Has No Shame

Teddy Lupin is getting married.

And I have not yet been able to think of a prank spectacular enough to pull during the ceremony.

I mean, this is a special occasion. I can't play just any ordinary prank. It has to be spectacular. Fantastical. Legendary. It's not every day my Teddy gets married.

I know I'm kind of a goof off most of the time, but I really mean it when I say Teddy has been my inspiration. When we were little, I was always following Teddy around. I wanted to do everything he did. If he wanted to play Beater in our family Quidditch matches, so did I. If he grew his hair out a little, I wanted to as well. So, when Teddy was 15 and decided he wanted to be an Auror, nine-year-old me naturally thought that was the absolute best idea I had ever heard. We would be Aurors together. And we would own it. I was so excited about it that I even did research on legal protocol and important cases. I spent a lot of time in the library that year. It was weird, but I was hooked.

By the time he was starting his Seventh Year, Teddy had moved on from his brief affair with law enforcement and moved on to a more long-term dalliance with reporting.

Unfortunately for me – or actually, quite fortunately, depending on how you look at it – I have absolutely no skill for the written word. I just get too bored with it. If I can express myself vocally, what's the point of writing it down? Teddy had chosen a profession in which I knew, even at the young age of eleven, I could never follow him.

When I expressed my regret to Teddy, however, he just laughed at me. He told me, "JSP, you don't want to be like me. I'll have to sit around in a little cubicle for the rest of my life and write down what other people have done with their lives instead of living mine. You don't want that, do you? No. You want to be the one I'm writing about."

He was right. I wanted to be an Auror, not a reporter.

He helped me realize I could be my own person. I didn't have to be just like him to be cool (Of course, I still wanted to be just like him in every other way, I just didn't want to do his boring job. Luckily, I'm not quite as much of a fanboy anymore.).

To be fair, Teddy's job is not quite as dull as he told me all those years ago, and I probably would have eventually decided to become an Auror on my own, but he took the sting off a childhood disappointment and only rarely made fun of me for it nowadays.

So planning a gigantic prank is my way of thanking him for being so awesome.

The only trouble is I have no ideas.

This is so embarrassing. This never happens to me. The _one time_ I really want to perform, and I can't!

… That came out wrong.

As I sat there, running through a few scenarios in my mind and absently doodling on the corner of my desk, I heard the approach of familiar steps behind me. Smiling as I recognized the tread and heard it come to a halt, I braced myself for the expected blow to the back of my head… but it never came.

I held still for a moment longer, confused that I had not been assaulted in greeting. I turned around to inquire about the change in routine, and was met with a wad of paper right in to the face.

Opening the eyes I had shut in reflex when I found an object flying at my face, I came face-to-face with my long time friend and work partner, Miss Caroline Stewart. Grinning at the annoyed expression on my face, Caroline sat on the edge of my desk and ruffled my hair too happily for my liking. She should not get so much enjoyment out of messing with me. Though I guess it's only fair since I get a kick out of messing with her too.

Rubbing my own hand through my hair to fix the style she ruined, I politely (actually, not very politely) inquired, "What? No slapping the back of my head or banging my forehead onto my desk."

Shrugging, "I was getting too predictable," she said as way of explanation. She frowns at the blank piece of parchment on the desk in front of me and continues in a more serious tone, "What are you doing, Potter? You're supposed to be writing your report for the Jenkins Case. But unless you've been writing in invisible ink, that is clearly not what you are doing. C'mon, James. Captain Thomas told us he needed our reports before we can go home. I, for one, have already turned in my report, but the Captain said I had to wait until yours is finished. Is there any chance it will be done before I die of old age?"

Rolling my eyes at her dramatics, I did what I could to reassure her: "I'm sorry, Car, but I have much more important things on my mind than something as trivial as report writing."

Far from reassured, Caroline scoffs at me, and tosses her long, brownish braid over her shoulder in derision, "Like what? How much time you spend making paper airplanes every day?" She gestures pointedly at a pile of crumpled airplanes by my waste bin.

"No," is my dignified reply, "I'm concocting a perfectly flawless send off to commemorate the fond memories of my pseudo-brother's almost departed bachelor days."

She translates: "You're wasting your time and mine by planning a prank for your god brother and cousin's wedding."

"Yes."

I was saved from what was sure to be a loud and colorful expletive from my irritated partner by the excellently timed arrival of my best mate.

"Malfoy!" I practically yell in an attempt to distract Caroline from scolding me, "What brings you here mate?"

Scorpius takes in the scene in a glance; the crumpled parchment on the floor, the girl on my desk turning steadily redder with each moment, the non-existent report in front of me, and my overenthusiastic greeting; and seems to immediately know what's going on. That being said, the smirk that is fixed on his stupid face a millisecond later tells me he's not going to be any help.

"Oh, nothing, really," he told me casually, "I just thought I'd check in with you and see how the Jenkins Case is progressing. I've got a buddy down in the Crime Department of the _Prophet_ who was wondering if he could read your reports for the article he has to write."

Damn his stupid face.

I glared at him.

He smirked right back at me. He has no shame.

Interrupting our stare down, Caroline addressed my traitor of a best mate, "I appreciate the support, Malfoy, but we both know he tells you everything. You know for a fact that we closed this case last night, and now you're just trying to wind him up. I strongly suggest you quickly get to the real reason you're here so my moronic partner can get back to what he's actually supposed to be doing before I lose patience with both of you and try out my new Muggle dueling skills."

I grimaced. I knew from previous experience that Car liked to supplement her Auror training with unorthodox Muggle methods. She claims it lets her get the jump on wizard criminals who aren't expecting her to bust out physical fighting. I think she's just learning new techniques to bully me into doing my job right. Luckily, I have quite a bit of height and weight on her. She couldn't beat me up if she tried.

I hope.

Scorpius, who has never seen her take down three perps at once, didn't seem to take Caroline's threat seriously. Fool. Instead, he flashed her a grin and said, "I actually came down here to see if Potter wanted to grab dinner when he gets off, but since he's clearly not going to be done with his work anytime soon, like a responsible adult, maybe you would like to accompany me," he gave he a cheeky look I didn't appreciate, "The view, for one, would be much improved."

Surprisingly, she didn't take her wand, shove it down his throat, then rip him a new one. I guess she reserved that kind of behavior for me. I'm so lucky. No, Caroline actually smiled at what I considered a rather poor attempt at flattery.

"I'd love to, Scorpius, but I can't leave until the useless lump beside me has finished his work," she paused long enough to shoot me a death glare, then turned a dazzling smile back at Malfoy, "I would much rather spend the time with you though."

I nearly gagged. I don't really want to sit here and listen to my best mate hit on my partner. I want to listen to my partner hit right back even less.

"Sure, I'll come," I interjected before they could continue their little flirt session that irritated me for reasons I could not identify, "Is it just going to be the three of us, or are Aldorkus, Rose, and Lupin coming as well?"

Scorp's teasing manner dropped like a bird knocked out of the air by the Whomping Willow. If you haven't witnessed that, just know that it's pretty quick.

A scowl replaced his grin, and his eyes narrowed angrily as he looked off to the corner of my cubicle like it had deeply insulted him. The last time I saw him looking that murderous was back when we were at Hogwarts. Al and I had lured him our onto the grounds for a friendly game of Ultimate Fanged-Frisbee, only to ditch him when the Frisbee Al chucked in his direction smashed through one of the castle windows. Unfortunately for Scorpius, he was closest to the window at the time and couldn't escape to Hagrid's before Professor McGonagall spotted him running away. His blond head is rather distinct. Not only did he have to help Filch repair the window, but he also had to attend a six hour seminar put on by the caretaker about the dangers and penalties for using banned merchandise on the Hogwarts grounds.

Seeing as there were no Fanged-Frisbees or broken windows involved in the current scenario, I deduced (using my amazing Auror observational skills) that his frustration had something to do with one of the three people I had just mentioned: Al, Rose, or Teddy.

My suspicions were confirmed when he muttered, "Al and Ted said they could meet us there. I did not ask your cousin." Why is it that Scorpius mutters when he's angry? Most people profess their resentment loudly. I have to strain to hear Scorp.

"Why didn't you ask Rose?" Caroline asks for me, looking just as curious as I feel.

Still mumbling, Malfoy says something along the lines of, "She's probably off doing something cute and couple-y with Finnigan."

Ah. Finnigan. Scorp has always had a weird and inexplicable hatred of Finnigan. I, personally, don't get it. Besides his unfortunate affection for the Tutshill Tornadoes, who are really a rubbish team, Finnigan seems like an alright bloke. I mean, I wouldn't want to be his roommate or anything, but he doesn't make me want to gouge out my eyes, or his for that matter, with my wand. That's always a good thing, right?

Caroline, momentarily distracted from her obsession with the state of my report writing, asked, "Finnigan Who?"

Shaking my head, I corrected her: "No, no. It's Who Finnigan, not Finnigan Who."

"Liam Finnigan: big shot from the _Prophet's_ Business Section; stuck-up, useless ponce; and general all around annoying prat," Scorpius ranted before anyone else had a chance to say anything.

A silence followed his pronouncement in which Caroline glanced at me slyly, communicating her intent to tease Scorp a little about his obvious and undeserved hatred of Mr. Finnigan. I can't believe she's going to make fun of my best mate right in front of me!

This is why she's such a great partner.

"You know, Scorpius," she began in a sweet voice, "if you hadn't so obviously stated your affections for me a minute ago, I would suspect you have feelings for Miss Rose Weasley. Why else would you sound so jealous of the charming Mr. Finnigan?" She gave him a look that conveyed both the suspicious gaze of a viciously possessive girlfriend and the penetrating stare of an interrogation expert. Needless to say, Scorpius looked nervous. His eyes widened as he realized the girl in front of him could easily get him to spill his darkest secrets. Only the slight twitch of her lip indicated to me that she was just messing with him.

Malfoy, not having the pleasure of spending hours upon hours a day with the delightful Miss Stewart, was not quite as sure as I was that Caroline wasn't serious. I think he had an inkling, seeing as they only ever really fake flirted, but her stare was so convincing that he paused to think carefully before he answered.

"Jealous?" he scoffed, trying (and doing very well if I do say so) to act nonchalant, "I'm not jealous, I simply think she could do better."

"Really? Why is that?" I asked him.

He had no response. I could tell immediately. His air of fake dispassion was crumbling before my eyes. The nervous and panicked blush gave it away. So did the way his eyes darted around, looking everywhere but at Caroline and me, as if he could find an answer on the floor.

"He's a Gryffindor," is what Scorpius finally came up with.

Lame.

Trying to distract me with a House insult. Sorry, buddy, not going to work _this_ time.

Spinning around in my chair, I shot back at him, "Yeah, well, so is Rose. Does that mean she's not good enough for Finnigan?"

I know that doesn't make much sense, but sometimes twisted logic is the best way to go. I mean, worst case scenario, people think I'm stupid. I have no problem with that because that means they underestimate me. The more someone miscalculates my intelligence, the more I can pull over on them.

Get it?

Scorp, however, has seen me use this tactic many times. He knows exactly what I'm doing. Fortunately, he hasn't been able to concoct a counter method to my madness.

I watched smugly as he floundered for an appropriate answer to my stupidity.

"Uh… er… what?"

Ha. Success.

I ignored Scorpius and addressed Caroline instead, "You know, Car, I'm surprised Malfoy here, Mr. King of Gossip, hasn't heard the news."

Playing up her shock, Caroline gasped, "What new would that be, Potter?"

"Well…" I cleared my throat dramatically, causing both Scorp and Car to roll their eyes at me, "A little Wolf Cub told me the other day that he overheard Miss Weasley and Mr. Finnigan having a very serious conversation in the office."

"About what, J?" Caroline wondered.

"I'm not entirely sure, love. Mr. Lupin only heard snippets, like 'we need to talk,' and 'see other people,' and 'take a break.' Does that mean anything to you?" I said, enjoying my story telling immensely. Maybe I should switch to journalism. I'm sure I could be an awesome reporter.

"What?" Scorpius interjected before Caroline could reply, "She's not dating him?"

"Didn't she tell you?" I asked, in feigned confused, "They ended it."

"Why?" his question came out rather desperately.

Pretending not to notice his overreaction, "I don't know. Lily just told me they wanted different thing. That probably just means he wouldn't pick his socks up off the floor or something and she spent too much time at work. Who knows?"

Scorpius' face took on a look of intense concentration. I could almost see the thoughts racing through his head. Caroline gave me a look that told me she could see it too and it amused her to no end. Smirking, she picked up the conversation as if Scorpus had never made himself a part of it: "Well, you'd never know she just got out of a relationship by the way she's been acting. I saw her at the Leaky Cauldron last night, and she looked far happier than I've seen her in a while. In fact, she bought everyone a round for no apparent reason."

Caroline paused for a moment, giving Scorpius time to look hopeful at the implication of Rose's good mood, before she continued with maximum dramatic effect: "Now that I know she just went through a break up, her cheerfulness almost makes me think she's already found someone new…"

Hahaha. Good one, Car! I would have high-fived her for her brilliance if I didn't think it would give our whole play away.

By the way Scorpius' eyes widened as Caroline's words sunk in, I could tell that the possibility that Rose had already found a new lover had not occurred to him. I assume he had taken her happiness as relief that she had broken ties with a guy Scorpius considered a loser. Though I personally agreed with Scorp's initial diagnosis, it was comical to watch him struggle to conceal the emotions that were playing out so clearly on his face.

Unexpected hope gave way to confusion, confusion was replaced by realization, realization was succeeded by mingled horror and more confusion (though this time I was pretty sure it was more because he couldn't figure out why he was so horrified at the notion of Rose moving on so quickly).

You'd really think a Slytherin would be better a keeping a poker face. But then, Scorpius had never been very good at poker.

He had been silent for so long that I had almost forgotten what we were talking about when he finally came back to life, "Someone new?"

His voice came out slightly choked, but Caroline answered like she hadn't noticed, "Well, it's just one theory really," she examined her fingernails like they were more interesting than this conversation, "but that would be the only reason a girl would move on so quickly from a relationship with such a great guy. I would know, I'm a girl."

Duh. It's fairly obvious she is a girl, but the part of her statement before that threw me a little. I remembered back to all Caroline's previous relationships, something I had never done before, and realized they all had something in common: Caroline had never been upset about their end. In fact, she had always seemed a little more cheerful once each had been put to rest. She said, "I would know." Does that mean she always had someone new after each break up?

I put my detecting skills to use. The frequency of her break ups and new relationships told me that Caroline's trysts were never very serious. Also, she was never very upset when things ended, which, by her own admission, meant she quickly found someone else to transfer her emotions to. The fact that she _never_, and I mean _never_, cried about a falling out with her boyfriend lead me to believe she actually used the same guy to get over her heartache each time. Conclusion: Caroline has been in love with the same guy since forever, and it had been none of her prior flings.

Hmmm. How have I not noticed it before?

Scorpius' voice broke me out of my reverie about my partner's love life, "Well, uh, if that is, in fact, the case, then it's still likely she has plans with said 'new flame.' So it still doesn't matter that I didn't ask Weasley to join us, which brings us back to where we were in the first place. Dinner. Godric, the two of you really can talk circles around people, can't you?" He paused and studied us, "That's how you get criminals to confess, isn't it? You confuse them by going off on tangents, and they're eventually tricked into spilling their guts because they've forgotten they're being interrogated. Crafty."

He's right. That actually does work quite well.

Choosing not to address his correct assumption about the way Caroline and I questions suspects, I returned to the topic of dinner, "That's a fairly large logical leap, mate, so I'm going to invite her myself when I get off of work – "

Scorpius cut me off, "Do what you want, man, but that's more of an 'if' you get off work than a 'when.'"

With that, he smirked at me and disappeared. Great. Now he's left me alone with my partner right after he's reminded her she's mad at me for procrastinating on my paperwork. Jerk.

Instead of glaring at me like I expected, Caroline sat there in silence for a few minutes. Not wanting to bring her wrath down on me unnecessarily, I did not interrupt. When she spoke, it was not in anger, but in thoughtfulness, "You know, I think I have a solution to your problem."

Unable to contain myself, I guessed, "What? You'll do my paperwork for me?"

The glare she shot me put that hope to rest immediately, "No. But I am going to sit here and watch you as you fill out your report to make sure you're actually working on it and not trying to perfect your airplane construction. What I meant was that I know what kind of prank you should play at Teddy's wedding."

Though I had been pouting since she refused to do my job for me, her words caught my attention. Continuing to sulk, I pretended not to be too interested by inserting as much sarcasm as I could, "And what is your brilliant idea?"

Grinning like a maniac, she said, "The perfect prank would be… wait for it… not pulling one."

What? What kind of prank is that? That's like giving up! How could she think that's a good idea? Everyone is expecting me to pull of the prank of the century! If I did what the deluded Miss Stewart suggests, they would think I've lost my touch! My reputation is at stake!

I can just see it now. Everyone standing around the reception hall, anxiously awaiting an epic explosion or something equally as awesome, glancing nervously at me as I go about my own thing… minding my own business… enjoying myself… while everyone else is on tenterhooks… waiting for something that will never happen… Oh my giddy Aunt Fleur, it actually is brilliant!

I'm sure the expression I gave Caroline was slightly frightening: a blend of awe, reverence, and maniacal pleasure. "You are absolutely right," I told her, "Everyone will be expecting me to do something. They'll be waiting for an explosion, or some ridiculous and inappropriate joke, or a brilliant but crudely worded song. But it won't come, and they'll be waiting with bated breath the whole night. Paranoia will run rampant. They'll hope to contain the destruction by suspiciously following me around all night waiting for the pointed hat to drop; but the joke is, it never will! You're amazing!"

Caroline shrugged modestly, but her smug look said it all, "I know."

"There's only one problem," I said, expressing my only worry about this otherwise flawless plan, "I don't know if I can handle the pressure of not playing a prank. I'm sure to break sometime during the reception and slip a Hair Loss Potion into the punch. Doing that would ruin the effects of my elaborate No Prank Plan."

Crossing her arms in what looked like an attempt to remain calm, despite the fact that she was clearly panicking on the inside about something that I couldn't identify, she swallowed nervously and replied, "Don't worry," – (the fact that she was _clearly_ worried about something was not exactly reassuring) – " We'll just spend the whole night together. If you look like you're going to pull a prank, I'll stop you by dragging you off to the dance floor or something. If you feel the need to charm Scorpius' tie pink, tell me, and I'll distract you with cake. It will be a team effort."

Oh, good. That's a fantastic idea. Caroline is one of the only people that actually can keep me in line. The only other one is Captain Thomas, which is probably why Dad assigned me to his team; well, that, and none of the other captains wanted to deal with the pressure of having Harry Potter's son on their team. I guess they thought I was going to be some sort of snitch, always ready to inform the Boss on them if they treated me like everybody else.

Psh. I'm no nark.

Luckily, Captain Thomas is not so easily cowed. If I ever do anything stupid, he just get's all up in my face and draws a very detailed diagram explaining what he'll do to me if I ever do it again. The fact that he's an extremely talented artist just makes it all the more terrifying.

Anyway, I was feeling better about the whole Wedding Prank thing, and I told Caroline so, "You'd do that for me? You're such a good friend."

I don't know what I said wrong, but she immediately scowled at me. Pushing herself off the edge of my desk, she forcibly shoved my chair under my desk, trapping me between her and the desk. "Well, if I'm _such a good friend_," she hissed angrily into my ear, "maybe you should try to be a better one! Now, do your paper work so we can get out of here, and I don't have to spend the rest of the night forcing you to _do your job!_"

Geez, what's wrong with her?

**A/N: Let me know what you think, 'cause I can't decide myself.**


	4. Scorpius: Maybe Someone Imperiused Me

Chapter 4: Scorpius: Maybe Someone Imperiused Me

Teddy Lupin is getting married.

And I'm in love with the bride.

Well, not the way it sounds. I mean, I'm not going to interrupt the ceremony screaming, "I OBJECT!" No, I'm happy for Teddy and Victoire, and I'm not going to be heartbroken. What I should have said is that I love that she chose Rose to be her bridesmaid. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have been able to see Rose like this.

I honestly love Victoire so much. She makes good choices, mate. Good choices.

I'm here at Teddy's engagement party, sitting alone at the bar, trying not to laugh too loud as I watched Rose get more and more irritated with every passing second.

The night had started out nice enough: a simple, buffet style dinner followed by dancing to the lovely sounds of an enchanted orchestra. Mr. William Weasley, or more likely his wife, has great taste. It had all the promise of a great time, but Rose's luck was blasted apart almost at the very beginning.

First, she arrived late. I have no idea why, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the slight singe to the hem of her dress and the mumbled, "Stupid green flames," I heard as she marched past my table. Like the brilliant journalist I am, I put the facts together and made up a story of my own. I'm guessing that if I ask her about it later I'll be treated to a rant about the Floo Network and the ineptitude of public transportation.

Next, because she was late, everyone had already started to eat by the time she got there, and the only open seat was next to Aunty Muriel. That really should explain it all.

I watched as she got increasingly more irritated as dinner progressed, stabbing her vegetables with unnecessary vigor. The poor carrots never really stood a chance. I have no idea what Aunty Muriel was saying to her, but I had to admire how the old lady could rile Rose up with very little effort. I had to give it up to a fellow instigator.

By the time dinner ended, Rose was a brilliant shade of pink, shooting sarcasm at anyone who stepped within range, and halfway on her way to being seriously intoxicated.

When Al left me at the table to go dance with his girlfriend, Alice Longbottom, and James ran off to hit on the single bridesmaids (plot twist: there were none, he just hadn't figured that out yet), I walked over to the bar and continued to watch young Miss Weasley get even more irritated. It was kind of hilarious.

Once she left her table, Rose was waylaid by her grandmother. Normally Rose loves talking to her grandmother. The two have a lot in common, and they often bond over complaining about Rose's father. Tonight, however, Mrs. Arthur Weasley had weddings on the brain, and that was never a good sign for single granddaughters.

By this time, they had moved close enough to me that I could hear every word they said. The conversation started out with a comment from Mrs. Weasley: "Oh, Rose-Darling, isn't this such an exciting time? Love is in the air. Do you have a date for the wedding yet?"

Trying to be as polite as she could in her current state of frustration, Rose answered, "No, Grandma. The rest of the bridesmaids and I decided not to have dates. We want to be as available to Vicky as possible. It's our job to take the pressure off her on her special day. Having a date would just mess that up."

Mrs. Weasley looked touched at such a thoughtful gesture, "Well that's nice of you girls. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun and meet a nice man tonight. A very bright young gentleman was sitting at my dinner table tonight. I'm sure he wouldn't mind meeting you…"

Forcing a smile to her face and looking around frantically for an escape, Rose's eyes landed on me. She seemed to consider something for a moment, looked around again as if looking for a better option, then he shoulders fell slightly in resignation. Her grandmother, however, missed these little signs because she had begun trying to get the attention of the young man she was talking about. Rose interrupted her signaling, "Actually Grandma, I promised I'd go have a drink with Scorpius. We have something, uh, work related to discuss."

Well that was news to me. But who doesn't love a good little bit of harmless deception? Deciding to get into my role, I nodded my head at Mrs. Weasley and raised my glass of Firewhiskey in acknowledgement.

Mrs. Weasley glanced over at me when Rose gestured in my direction, a look of surprise settling over her features. She stared at me like that for a few disconcerting seconds in which I tried not to panic, then an even scarier look I couldn't understand replaced it. It was like she had just seen me for the first time in the deli, and I was the 12 pound ham she was going to chop up, cook, and feed to her gigantic, ravenous family. I swallowed. Hard. But then the creepy look disappeared, she smiled, said, "Oh, alright dear. Have a nice time, and I hope you finish your work," then she winked at Rose, _actually winked_, and walked off to find her husband. What is happening?

Turning toward the bar so Mrs. Weasley couldn't read my lips (I'm not positive she can read lips, but I'm also not entirely sure she can't. I really wouldn't put it past anyone in that family. The woman has an uncanny knack for knowing what people are saying from far away. She either has really good hearing, can read lips, or can read minds. I can't protect against hearing and mind reading, so I'm going to do everything I can to prevent the lip reading), I mumbled to Rose as she took the place next to me, "Using me as your cover, eh? Shouldn't you buy me dinner first?"

"Shut up," she told me while reaching behind the bar and grabbing a whole bottle of champagne, "I've barely been able to handle talking to my own family tonight, be careful what you say."

I held up my hands in surrender, smiling in to my drink, and staying silent in self-preservation. Beside me, Rose violently popped the cork on the bottle, caught most of the overflow in her glass, and downed the whole thing. She filled her second one and put it down on the bar, clearly trying to take it slower this time. She pushed the bottle toward me, and explained when I raised my eyebrow in question, "I dragged you into this, now you're going to help me drink this bottle."

I chuckled, snatched a glass from the bar, and poured myself one as well. When the fizz had settled and Rose looked like she was slightly calmer, I cleared my throat and ventured, "So… Wanna talk about it?" I wasn't exactly sure what I was asking. I could have been asking what made her angry when she arrived; I could have been asking what Aunty Muriel did to piss her off; or I could have been asking why she hated talking to her grandmother about boys (well, besides the obvious reasons). But something was bothering her, so I thought I'd let her decide what I meant.

She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on her hands, breathing a sigh of mixed exasperation and relief. It was clear to me that I was not her first choice of confidante, but I had also been to the first to ask. Rose rubbed her forehead, then turned her head toward me and asked skeptically, "You really want to know? You're not just going to mess with me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Would I do that?" I asked her.

She raised an eyebrow at me.

I rephrased my question: "Okay, would I do that when you're obviously not in the mood? I know when to be serious." I took a long drink of my champagne, then shrugged, "Besides, my choices are either sit here and listen to you or go over there and help James strike out with Sadie Witherspoon, not that he really needs my help. As much as I like to watch J. Potter make a fool of himself, it's nothing I haven't seen multiple times before, and you seem like you need to talk to someone." I placed my glass down on the bar and turned in my seat to look directly at her, schooling my features into my Serious Face.

She studied me with narrowed eyes for a moment, then sighed again, saying, "Oh, what the hell." She turned to face me as well, and began: "It started when I went out to lunch with my father…"

She spent the next hour and a half telling me about her day, which, honestly, would have made anyone less stubborn than her cry. Between her father's refusal to see her as anything other than the adorably innocent six-year-old that used to run to meet him at the door every night when he came home from work and her friend's obsession with an older man who recently broke her heart by staying with his wife, Rose had enough on her mind. Oh, but the universe was not done messing with her. Add a couple of tea stains, a few misdelivered Howlers, a call for summons to fulfill her civic duty and sit in on a case for the Wizengamot, a misplaced set of keys, and you have a pretty good idea of what Rose went through.

As she spoke, she became less and less erratic with the arm motions that accompanied her explanations. Rose had bubbled down from a raging boil to a nice, safe simmer. She had obviously just needed to vent to someone. I thanked Sweet Slytherin that I had been the nearest in proximity when the cauldron had overflowed. I can't say exactly what was so alluring about the situation, but watching her voice her frustration had been fascinating. Now that she had let go of most of her irritation, Rose had settled down to a much more sheepish anger.

"It always seems like less of a big deal once you say it all out loud," Rose sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair in embarrassment. I suppose she hadn't meant to share so much with me.

"You're kidding, right?" I asked, incredulous. "If anyone else had had a day even half as bad, they would have committed themself to St. Mungo's Psych Ward."

Rose shook her head and looked down at her drink, "You're just saying that. Everyone I know would have handled it better. I took out my anger on poor Aunt Muriel and Grandma Molly."

"Ok, first of all," I said, pointing at her and using my Serious Face, "I'm pretty sure your Aunt Muriel is the Devil. That's how she's lived so long." Rose rolled her eyes at me but didn't contradict my theory. "Secondly," I continued, "Mrs. Weasley didn't even notice you were rude to her. By the way, rude is different than mean. Besides, it doesn't even count if they don't notice." I received another eyeroll, but she didn't slap me, yell at me, or elbow me, so I took that as a promising sign and resumed. "Finally, everyone you know would not have handled it better. You were simply a little less perfect than you always are. I would have gone out and bought something expensive; James would have blown up his mother's garden gnomes; Albus would have eaten an entire cake; and your flawless Grandmother would have guilt tripped everyone she came in contact with. Maybe every sane person you know could have handled it better, but, luckily, you don't know any sane people. Which brings me back to the St. Mungo's Psych Ward…"

When I finished my mini tirade, Rose stared at me for a moment, the smiled and laughed. It was nice to hear.

Smiling back at her, I gloated teasingly, "Aha! A smile! Success!"

She nudged me and scowled, but the slight twinkle in her eyes told me the storm was over and the anger clouds had cleared.

She drained her glass and grabbed the bottle to replenish it, "You know, sometimes I think my job at the _Prophet_ is the only thing that keeps me from being crazy like the rest of you. I mean, sure, I have to deal with you and your immature sense of humor. But I guess it's not really your fault, is it? You can't help that you were in Slytherin."

I didn't even process that she had just insulted my house. Well, I mean, I did. I don't take casual decimation of the noble name of Salazar Slytherin lightly, but she had possibly just assuaged a fear that had been bothering me for the last few weeks. I had more important business at the moment than defending the honor of my house.

I grabbed the arm that held the champagne bottle, and she froze mid-pour. It felt weirdly important that she look at me while I asked the question, "You mean you're not leaving the Department?"

She snorted, "Why would I leave the Department?" She gave me a look that questioned whether I was maybe a few cards short of a full deck, but I suddenly felt as if I had eaten a Fizzing Whizbee and was floating off the floor.

"Oh, Merciful Hufflepuff," I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding, "Thank Merlin."

I was immediately filled with a strong sense of relief that made me feel as though someone had cast an overpowering Cheering Charm on me. It was such a wonderful feeling that I had to share it. Grabbing both sides of Rose's face with my hands, I brought our lips together as if I could transfer my triumph to her if I kissed her hard enough.

Yes. I said kissed.

Why? I honestly couldn't say. Maybe I had too much to drink. Maybe my deck really is missing a few cards. Maybe she just looked amazing in that flowy dress with her hair all done up but falling messily around her face from aggravation. Maybe someone Imperiused me into it, though it's unlikely. I don't know why I kissed her, but I don't regret a second of it.

Before I could register more than the fact that she had the loveliest lips I have ever touched, Rose pulled away from me just as I vaguely noticed an unpleasantly wet sensation seeping through my pants at the knee.

Rose jumped from her seat and swore as the liquid began to seep into her lap as well. I looked around for the source in a kind of daze.

I pieced it together from the empty champagne bottle in Rose's shaking hand, her glass filled past the brim, and the puddle of bubbly alcohol that flowed in a river over the edge of the bar and onto my increasingly soaked trousers. I had kissed her mid-pour, she had frozen in shock, but the champagne had not done the same.

Looking back and forth from her overfilled glass to the empty bottle in her hand, Rose's face was unreadable. She didn't look mad, for which I was thankful since a champagne bottle to the head could potentially do a lot of damage, but she didn't look like anything. There was no classifiable emotion on her face, and I had no idea how that would bode for me.

Maintaining the unbreakable mask, Rose calmly set the bottle down on the bar, looked me straight in the eye and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spill all over you. Thank you for listening to my troubles. You can send me the cleaning bill for your pants. I have to go clean up now. Good night," with oddly careful enunciation. It was like reading one of those response letters the Ministry sends out; like a formal, overly rehearsed, canned reply.

Then, she walked off, leaving me to my thoughts.

I hate being left with my thoughts.

Nothing good ever comes of that…

… Psh. I can't believe she thinks I would make her pay the cleaning bill.

And Slytherin rocks.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Share your thoughts, please. Rose is next, in case any of you were wondering.**


	5. Chapter 5: Rose: Tell Me Everything

**A/N: Huge thanks to everyone who's been reading/reviewing. I really appreciate it. :)**

Chapter 5: Rose: Tell Me Everything

Teddy Lupin is getting married.

And I'm the worst bridesmaid ever.

I had been wandering around the Burrow, trying to find Al to see if he wanted to go get ice cream with me; Al is always up for an ice cream run; when I walked in on a crying Victoire.

I panicked.

I had just decided to back out of the room before she noticed me, but my father's clumsy gene chose to kick in at that moment, launching me into door jamb instead. Vicky, not being deaf, looked up at the sound and saw me before I could Disillusion myself. Damn it.

"Heeeeey, Vic," I said, internally wincing at my almost shrilly upbeat tone, "You okay?"

Letting out a watery chuckle that came out more like a sob, Victoire wiped her eyes, "Yeah, there's just so much to do in preparation for the wedding, and I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed."

She sniffed, looking sadly down at her hands, and I took the opportunity to glance behind me for someone, _anyone_, who could help me out of this situation. I don't do well with other people's tears. I can barely handle my own, so I was feeling completely out of my element. Where was Dom when you needed her?

I tried to give myself a pep talk. _Damn it, Rose! Suck it up! This woman needs your help. She chose you to be her bridesmaid, and she is counting on you. Stop being such a Hufflepuff and face your fear of tears._

Squaring my shoulders, I took a deep breath and stepped closer. "Do you need me to do something?" I asked uncertainly, looking around at the large piles of cloth napkins in varying shades of white, yards of lace draped over the ottoman, and back issues of _Magical Bride_ spilling off the table. All this bridesmaid stuff was more Lily's territory than mine. Lace normally makes me break out in hives.

Victoire correctly interpreted the panicked look on my face and giggled, "Don't worry about the details. You help me out in other ways, like helping me relax for a few moments between breakdowns. Tell me something to get my mind off the wedding."

It wasn't hard to think of something to tell her. It had been almost constantly on my mind for the last week. I would probably explode if I kept it to myself much longer. "Malfoy kissed me," I managed to say with a calmness I didn't feel.

Victoire gazed blankly at me for a moment, then exploded in squeals. Rather high pitched and deafening squeals in fact. I felt it was necessary to cast a Silencing Charm on the room in case someone heard the racket she was making and thought the Muggle Fire Department was on its way.

Once she had stopped freaking out long enough to breathe, she pulled me down on the floor next to her, and looked at me expectantly. "Tell me everything. Go," she ordered, staring at me as if she could extract the memory from my brain and watch it herself.

I laughed a little at her eagerness and decided to humor her. I mean, I probably needed to talk about it just as much as she wanted to hear about it. Her excitement was contagious as well. "It happened the other night at your engagements party," I began. Then I told her the rest of the story, during which she reacted properly in all the right placed. When I finished, she looked disappointed.

"Really? He kissed you at the bar, right in the open? How did I not see this happen?" Victoire lamented. "It would have been so cute!"

I stared at her in disbelief, "But I thought you were upset that I didn't get back together with Andrew Finnegan."

Victoire brushed me off with a wave of her hand, "Sure, I like Finnegan, and I thought he deserved another chance; everyone matures after Hogwarts; but you clearly decided he was too boring for you. I respect your decision, Dear," she patted my arm reassuringly in a way that reminded me strongly of Grandma Weasley. "Now," she continued, "How did you feel about it? I mean, you obviously didn't _hate_ it, because I saw Scorpius the day after the party, and he didn't have any hand prints across his face."

I snorted a laugh. Victoire really did know me too well. "I don't know," I told her truthfully. "I think he kind of caught me off guard," I paused, contemplating whether or not to share something with her that I had barely decided to share with myself. Looking at her face, I could tell Victoire would accept whatever I told her and wouldn't push for more. It was precisely that that convinced me to share: "As far as kisses go, I was a little too shocked to notice if it was any good. What I do know is that in the short period of time his face was touching mine" - Vicky made a face at my less than poetic description - "he made me feel special and wanted, and I wouldn't mind a repeat."

She grinned at me in a rather frightening way that looked as if her face would split in two from excitement. She was clearly holding back for my benefit. Rolling my eyes and sighing, I said, "Go ahead."

And she immediately began gushing. It was rather like listening to a thirteen-year-old girl going on about the popular boy band _Merlin's Uncle_.

Smiling indulgently, I let her rant on harmlessly for a few minutes before she said, "Wait until Teddy hears. He won't believe it!"

All of a sudden, I regretted sharing. "Vicky," I implored almost desperately, "you have to promise not to tell anyone. Especially Teddy."

"Why?" she whined, taking my hand with both of hers, practically begging, "What's the point of knowing something so exciting if I can't share it? What if I make Teddy swear he won't tell?"

I shook my head and scoffed, "We all know Teddy can't keep a secret. It's a good thing no one has ever made him take an Unbreakable Vow to not tell a secret, because you would be a widow before you were married. Remember that time he promised not to tell Uncle Percy that you broke his glasses?"

Victoire laughed fondly at the memory, "Yeah, he got so nervous that he sweat through the jumper Grandma had given him for Christmas. If that wasn't enough to clue everyone in, he also couldn't say anything without stuttering." Her eyes twinkled as she conceded my point, "I guess he really is horrible with secrets if something that trivial got him so worked up. If he had to keep it from your father that you and Scorpius locked lips, he'd drown in his own sweat within the first five minutes. He's so cute."

I gave her a look that I hoped said, "You have a strange definition of 'cute,'" but she was too busy smiling dreamily to notice.

"Even if he did manage to keep a secret for more than three minutes," I said, breaking Vic out of her reverie, "he'd make an exception for Scorpius. You know they tell each other everything at those Malfoy/Black/Lupin family dinner things."

Victoire put her hand on my arm and said, "Okay, okay. Don't worry. I won't tell Teddy." She smiled slyly at me, "But that doesn't mean I won't talk to Scorpius about it."

I hit her playfully on the shoulder, making a fake look of outrage, as she rolled around on the floor in laughter. I watched her and rolled my eyes, trying not to grin at her childish behavior.

Once she had calmed down enough to breathe, Victoire looked around at the mess spread out on the floor and sighed, "I really should get back to working on this. The wedding's not going to plan itself. Thanks for distracting me for a while."

"Anything for you, dear," I replied, rubbing my hands together, "What's next?"

"You mean you'll help?"

I scoffed, "You don't have to look so surprised. That's what bridesmaid cousins are for. Besides, the sooner we finish this, the sooner we can go out for ice cream."

Vicky's answering beam was so brilliant it was worth the extended period of time I would be in a jungle of lace.

Maybe I'm not such a horrible bridesmaid after all.

**A/N: I know you've all been waiting for Rose's reaction to "the kiss." I hope it lived up to your expectations. Thoughts?**

**Also, if you guys ever get bored while waiting for me to update, you could always check out my completed Rose/Scorpius story. It's called "James, I Hate Your Best Friend," if you're interested. Don't be surprised if you notice some similarities. I probably borrow quite a bit from myself. **

**Shameless plug aside, I hope you liked the chapter. Thanks for reading! :)**


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